


I Dare You

by Niki



Series: Drinking Games [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drinking Games, F/M, M/M, This time with actual dares, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 07:43:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/pseuds/Niki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He just wouldn't give in until he saw that damn tattoo, would he?</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Dare You

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Dark Experience](http://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkExperience/pseuds/DarkExperience) for dare ideas.

There was almost a celebratory feeling in the Normandy when they travelled towards Thessia. The planet may have been under attack, but the general mood seemed to be that it was a beginning of the end: they would find the last piece of the puzzle there, and the whole war would be over soon. 

Shepard tried to rein in the optimism, but didn't even try to discourage the drinking night in the lounge. He just put a stop to too confident toasts. Things were not going to be easy even after they recovered the Prothean artefact, and he didn't want anyone crashing too hard back into reality. Himself included.

He had also decided to not drink quite so much to not be quite so mushy with Kaidan this time. He had heard about it from everyone, and when even EDI was making comments, you knew you had crossed a line or two. That's what you get for having your first ever boyfriend at thirty-two.

Having the man by his side was intoxicating on its own, so maybe he could ease down with the vodka. It wasn't like he had any more dark secrets to spill either, so he shouldn't need to hide in a bottle.

He took his customary seat by the sofa, and Kaidan sat down next to him. Liara, Garrus and Tali took their sofa, Sam, EDI and Joker the other one, and Steve and James perched on the bar stools, latter once again taking over bartending duties. 

Shepard settled for a beer, even if Kaidan complained that they didn't stock any good lagers.

“So,” said Sam, and Shepard wanted to hide under the sofa table.

“What have you cooked up this time?” he asked warily.

“There have been some grumbling about the lack of dares during our previous game nights...” she said, glancing slyly at James.

He just wouldn't give in until he saw that damn tattoo, would he?

“So here we go again. Truth or Dare. I have a new batch on a datapad again, if someone can't come up with questions or dares on their own, and I found a version that uses spinning a bottle to choose the victim, so as not to make this _too_ easy on Vega. Questions?”

“Is it too late to run for the hills?” Shepard asked.

“Yes,” said Sam, grinning.

“Jeff and I had a discussion and decided it is best if I don't participate,” EDI said. 

Joker murmured something about _limits_ , and Shepard bit his lip not to laugh.

“I'm sorry to hear that,” Sam said. “But anything for peace in the bedr... I mean, relationship. Now, we need ground rules, so that everyone will feel comfortable.”

“No sex dares,” said Shepard, instantly. 

“Seconded,” said Liara.

“Third...ed?” said Joker. 

“You guys are no fun,” said Sam, and appeared to remove some lines from the datapad. 

“Nothing that must be performed later,” Steve said, and most of the others nodded.

“Nothing that requires leaving this room,” suggested Kaidan, lazily.

“Okay. Is that it? What's the penalty for defaulting?”

“To be determined, case by case,” James suggested, grinning. 

“But it must be a real option,” said Shepard. “Tali won't be mooning anyone, for example, even if your pad gives her that.”

“What is 'mooning'?” asked Tali.

“Something that is _bound_ to come up during any game of truth or dare.”

“Shall we start? Anyone have enough alcohol in them for this?” Sam asked, reaching for an empty beer bottle James had provided by the simple method of drinking the contents.

“So you just spin the bottle like in spin the bottle then ask the person you get?” James checked. 

“Yup, that simple. Okay, here goes...”

Sam spun the bottle and got Liara. 

“Truth or dare?” she asked, gleefully.

“I am curious,” Liara said. “Dare.”

“For your bravery, and respecting your rookie status, I am going to start you with something easy... Show us if your head tentacles move!”

“What is this obsession with my head?” Liara asked, exasperated, but leaned her head forward and poked her tentacles. “Look, solid.”

“Shucks,” said Joker, and Sam looked disappointed, too. 

Liara spun the bottle and it stopped on Kaidan.

“Truth or dare?” she asked, in a manner of a student repeating a lesson.

“From you? Dare,” Kaidan said, grinning.

“I've always been curious as to how long your hair actually is. Would you muss it for me?”

“What?” Kaidan stared at her, frozen in place.

Shepard laughed, and reached over to help, running his hands over the gelled hair until the strands fell over his lover's face, almost covering his eyes. He'd always thought he looked adorable with his hair down, younger and not so polished. 

Kaidan patted at his hand, and ran his own through the hanging hair. “Happy?”

Shepard saw both Sam and Tali take a picture with their omnitools, and resolved to ask for a copy as soon as he could. 

“Yes, thank you,” Liara said, smiling politely, and Shepard thought she might be soliciting a copy, too, and that it might even end up in the Shadow Broker files. He had taken a peek at some of those files after helping Liara take down the old Broker but even then he hadn't looked at Kaidan's. There were limits. And he hadn't really wanted to know so much about some of his team mates anyway...

Kaidan sleeked his hair back before reaching for the bottle. The end result wasn't as put together as he usually was, but the hair product held it back from his eyes, at least.

Kaidan spun Tali, who seemed to have learnt her lesson, and chose truth.

“Let's have a classic. What do want to be when you grow up?” he asked.

“Not an admiral,” Tali replied, wryly.

She spun Shepard, who figured she might have a hard time thinking about a dare, not having played the game before (and he feared Sam's pad, just a little), and chose truth.

“What is the one talent you wish you possessed?” she asked, and okay, that wasn't even bad.

“Dancing,” he answered, to universal hilarity. “I like it, and usually I don't give a damn what people think, but... yeah, I do know I suck.”

He poked the bottle, and it stopped on James, who pretended to be scared, and chose truth.

“What's the strangest nickname you've given someone?” 

“I don't know. They're not strange. They make perfect sense. To me, at least. I did call this one guy Kumquat, once, and the other guys seemed to find it hilarious.”

“Why?” Kaidan asked, frowning.

“Because he looked like a Kumquat!” 

“It actually makes perfect sense if you know the man,” Steve said, somewhat reluctantly. 

James spun Sam, who, daringly, chose dare.

“Mime the wildest night of your student days,” James told her.

Sam thought for a moment, then grinned, and started to mime drinking, after a while she stepped up on the table, miming taking of her clothes and dancing. Cue catcalls. She offered her hand to Liara, who – to everyone's surprise – joined her on the sofa table, dancing with her. Then she pulled up Tali. And EDI. There wasn't much room for dancing, but everyone got the gist of it.

Shepard whistled, joining in on everyone else in the applauds. Sam took a bow, and jumped – only a little unstable – off the table, thanking her co-actors. 

“Holy fucking shit, Specialist Traynor,” James said. “I obviously missed out, not staying in school.”

“Yeah. On education,” Sam said, dryly, then grinned. “My turn!”

She spun Shepard and, after he had chosen truth, obviously prompted by her memories asked him about the worst hangover of his life.

“It was... some time after Akuze,” Shepard said, tracing the spot where the scar used to be with his thumb. “I was stuck on Earth, in Vancouver. I remember drinking a lot, really, a lot, and then... nothing. I woke up at my hotel, with a mother of all headaches, and had just enough time to reach the toilet before throwing up few bottles' worth of cheap liquor. It almost killed my head. I had vague recollections of having a hell of a night with someone, but couldn't even remember what he looked like.” 

Shepard took a drink, because just remembering that day made his stomach queasy. “I spent the day in that bed, trying to make my head stop spinning. Much later I took stock, and apparently I had come back with only one sock, and someone else's uniform shirt.”

There was a sound of something hard hitting something equally hard, and he turned to see Kaidan's beer had fallen to the floor and the man himself was staring at him in shock. What was up with that? He knew all about his string of one night stands after Akuze, why was the story such a surprise to him?

“The shirt... didn't happen to have a broken buckle on it, did it?”

“Yeah, how did you...” Shepard stared at him, sure his face was frozen in shock, too. Then, almost simultaneously, they burst in laughter.

They leaned towards each other to stay up when their hilarity threatened their balance. They laughed so much Shepard's stomach started hurting, and he could feel tears filling his eyes. This really took the cake.

“One... hell of a romantic first night,” he got out, and they were off again.

“You mean... it was you?” Liara asked when they calmed down a bit.

“I woke up in my room, remembering going out, and coming back with someone, and, yes, having a hell of a night, but couldn't even remember what he looked like. I found an Alliance issue sock under my bed, and the shirt – identical to mine in all respects except slightly larger and without the broken buckle I had meant to get fixed the next day.”

“What the hell did we drink?” Shepard asked, still smiling widely, and staring at Kaidan. It was so damn absurd you had to laugh. Of all the handsome marines to pick up in a bar... Maybe that was why he had been so fascinated by his ass when they met on the Normandy? 

“I don't know but it put me off alcohol for a while.”

“Likewise. I was... back on duty soon after, so... yeah.” It had also been his last one night stand. Ever. Which meant... He laughed again. 

“I'll tell you later,” he told Kaidan when everyone looked at him questioningly. 

Shepard spun the bottle and got Garrus, who also went for truth.

“What is your most embarrassing vomit story?”

“Basic training. We had ran through the night, and... I threw up on a CO.”

“Ouch.”

“Indeed.”

Garrus spun Kaidan, who chose truth. 

“Your first kill was a Turian when you were 17,” Garrus said, and he would remember that. “Tell us about it.”

Shepard squeezed his hand, and Kaidan kept the grip all through his tale.

“Oh. That's... grim,” said Garrus. “Good work, though.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan said dryly, and spun the bottle, still holding Shepard's hand. 

Sam chose truth, still red-faced over her last dare, although Shepard didn't know if it was the dancing or the embarrassment.

“What's the most embarrassing thing you have done while drunk?” Kaidan asked.

“Propositioned my CO,” Sam said, instantly. “It worked, though,” she added. “Not that we... uhh, I wasn't actually in a condition to do anything about it. But she did say yes. Before I passed out on her.”

She looked gleeful when she spun James.

“Dare,” he said with an insolent grin, daring her to do her worst. 

“Kissing doesn't count as a sex dare, right? Kiss Shepard.”

That wiped the grin off the Lieutenant's face, Shepard noticed. Kaidan pulled back, grinning, giving his tacit approval in the way he made room to the other man. 

James took a fortifying gulp of his drink, before standing up and taking the few steps needed to reach Shepard, and – as the other man wasn't getting up – knelt down next to him. He looked more serious than the game probably warranted, and Shepard gave him an encouraging smile instead of the lecherous one he had been planning on.

James raised a hand to his face, resting lightly on his cheek, and leaned forward. The kiss was light, almost shy, and Shepard wondered if that was it, or if he should give Sam a show. Then James raised his other hand to slide into his neck, and Shepard tilted his head for a better angle, and opened his mouth. 

James seemed all too eager to take advantage of that. It was nice, as kisses go, the younger man wasn't bad, if maybe a little over-eager, but in an actual situation that might not be a disadvantage. He could see himself going for it, if he didn't have someone whose kisses lit him on fire. 

James pulled back, seemingly reluctantly, and again there was that rare vulnerability in his eyes. It seemed someone really was going through some self-revelations here. He just wished James wasn't going to fixate on him. 

“Happy, Sam?” James asked, still kneeling by Shepard.

“Are you?” she asked, softly, and that might be nearing the limits Shepard didn't want this game to cross. Learning new things about yourself was all well and good, but too much humiliation about it wasn't very conductive to exploring those new revelations.

“Why not?” asked James, recovering his insolent grin. “The Commander's one hell of a kisser.”

He did finish his drink quite fast upon resuming his seat, though. 

Instant karma made sure he spun Sam, who shivered in exaggerated fear. “Oh no! Do your worst. Truth.”

“Have you ever fantasised about anyone in this room?” James asked, still grinning.

“Yes,” Sam said, decisively, then looked embarrassed, then chagrined. “Yes, I have.”

“And?”

“Nuh-uh, you did not specify that I need to tell who!”

And because this was a Sam and James show for now, she spun him.

“Have you?” she asked after he had chosen truth.

“Does my unconscious mind count?” he asked, cheekily. “Yes, yes I have.”

“Why didn't you add the specification?” Joker asked.

“Because I wouldn't want to answer it myself,” Sam explained. “And I'm hoping for mercy when it's my turn next!”

James spun Garrus. 

“This is the one question that always gets asked, so... have you ever skinny-dipped?”

“Done what? What is that?” Garrus asked.

“Swimming naked in natural water,” provided EDI. 

Shepard laughed, the images Garrus' aversion to water had given him still fresh in his mind after their playdate on the Citadel.

“No,” the Turian said, decidedly. “I have not. Why would you?”

“Oh, it can be fun in the right company,” Sam provided.

“Or when you were not expecting to swim and have nothing to change to,” Shepard added dryly.

“Or when you're on a dig and haven't bathed for days,” Liara said, musingly. “I think that would count.”

“Aliens are weird,” Garrus said. “A civilised being does not enter a body of water on their own volition.”

“I hear you,” said Tali.

Garrus reached for the bottle and spun Joker, who was quick to choose truth. Garrus looked at him for a moment, then reached wordlessly to the pad. 

“What is the most embarrassing thing you've done?” he read the question with a Turian equivalent of a grin.

“Participated in drinking games in the Normandy lounge?” Joker replied. “Had a ship blown up from under me? Got outflied by my own damn ship? No, I think it's the drinking games.”

Joker spun Shepard, of course, because the damn bottle kept following him. He didn't like the glint in the pilot's eye, so he chose the truth, knowing Joker at least would never ask him about his sex life.

“What's your middle name?” he asked, sounding actually curious.

“I don't know,” Shepard said. “If my mother gave me one, it has been lost to time.” 

“But...” Liara said, frowning.

“What?” 

“It is in your hospital records.” 

“I had hospital records?” 

“You were born in one, you know.” 

“Well, no, I didn't. You have seen my birth certificate?” Shepard asked, frozen. 

“It took some digging,” Liara said. “For some reason the files only existed as the paper backups, and I had to send an agent... Shepard, are you okay?”

“It was all there? I could have... my birthday, my father... I could have found it all there?”

“Well, not without some bribes and digging but... Oh. I was wondering about the discrepancy in your birth dates. But I figured you had, excuse me, falsified the records to join in, so I didn't want to say anything.”

“Okay... tell me this. Am I 32?”

“Yes, the year is correct.”

“And... my father, he really was called Hiraku Yukimura?”

“According to your mother, yes. And your middle name is John.”

“John? Takeo John Shepard? Holy shit. What else do you have in your files?”

“You are welcome to read them whenever you want, Shepard, you know that.”

“I... am a bit apprehensive about that. But tell me one thing. Do you know what happened to Tric?”

“I'm sorry, Shepard.”

“It's okay. It was a long shot anyway.”

Shepard very determinedly did not think about his past, or the fact Liara – and possibly her predecessor – had known more about it than he himself. He spun the bottle and got Steve, and he figured he might as well do something useful about it. Steve had been surprisingly subdued after James' kissing dare, and... maybe there was something there, or could be.

“What would it take for you to become romantically involved with a co-worker?” He knew what his answer had been (Kaidan), and he just wondered...

“Exceptional circumstances,” Steve said. “Or a person,” he then amended, and he was looking resolutely at his glass. 

James was looking at him, but then, everyone was, so that told him nothing. Shepard would be much happier if James directed his new-found interest in men to his old friend.

Steve spun Kaidan who chose truth, obviously traumatised by his earlier dare.

“What do you want to be doing in five years?”

“Professionally? I'm a Soldier and a Spectre. Not willing to stop that even if the war ends tomorrow. Maybe I could return to teaching, but...” he glanced at Shepard who shrugged. He knew what the other man was thinking. Teaching biotics wasn't exactly something they could do together. “Right now I can't think beyond this mission, this ship, this crew.”

Shepard had a sudden wish they could still have this in five years – not the war, not the Reapers, but the Normandy, this crew, this group of dedicated people to work with. Kaidan met his eyes, and seemed to read his mind. Or share the idea. They shared a smile in lieu of a kiss, and Kaidan spun the bottle.

He got Sam again. 

"The most embarrassing thing you've done... naked,"

"Broke up with a girlfriend. Don't ask," she said, when James opened his mouth.

Sam spun James but seemed to be ready to give him a break... at least about his sexuality.

"What's the worst trouble you've been with the law?"

"I wasn't caught," James said, and there was a story there. "So no trouble."

And then it happened. James finally managed to hit Shepard with the bloody bottle.

"Okay, how do you rig a bottle?" Shepard demanded.

"What?" Sam asked, innocently.

“It keeps hitting me every other turn!"

"Luck," she said, grinning. 

“My luck," James said with his own grin. "You know what's coming, Loco. Truth means telling us about the tattoo, dare means showing it.”

“Fine,” Shepard said, and got up, hands on his belt. Unbuckling and unbuttoning just enough to pull his trousers down to reveal the text on his thigh. 

“Give 'em Hell, xxx Tricia,” read Joker, then seemed to realise his face was way too close to another man's crotch and pulled back.

“Tricia as in the girl you knew in the streets?” James clarified.

“Yes. And as that wasn't a truth, that's all you're getting,” Shepard said, fixed his clothing, and sat down to spin the bottle. He got Garrus, who chose truth, obviously thinking Shepard might try to spread the public undressing if he chose a dare. 

“What is the funniest thing you have seen?” Shepard asked, wanting everyone to stop thinking about his tattoo, his past, and his Tricia.

“You remember the time Mordin tried to teach Grunt to sing when we were stuck waiting in the shuttle?” Garrus asked. 

Tali started giggling. 

“I would have thought Grunt's preference for ye olde Turian slaying songs would have bothered you more,” Shepard said, chuckling. Mordin had been upset at not getting a singing partner for his Gilbert and Sullivan, obviously. 

“I'm not sure if I'm glad I missed that or not,” Joker said. 

“I have a recording,” EDI offered. “For when you make up your mind.”

Shepard's laughter died when he remembered Mordin's sacrifice, another victim of this stupid conflict. He hoped no one else noticed his sudden crushing sadness.

He pushed the bottle towards Garrus, who took the hint, still laughing, and spun it to get James, and reached for the pad even before the man got “truth” out of his mouth.

“Have you ever punched someone?” he read from the pad, and everyone burst in laughter.

“Nah, would I do such a thing?”

James was still grinning when he made the bottle roll again. It stopped on Liara who chose truth. 

“What's your biggest secret?” 

“It may not be a secret to anyone in this room, but it is to everyone else in the galaxy, and I would very much like to keep it so.” 

Sam frowned. “Something I should know?”

“I thought EDI had told everyone that I'm the new Shadow Broker.”

Sam and James dropped their glasses almost in unison. “You are what?”

“You are?”

“I would greatly appreciate if Diana Allers could at least be kept ignorant of the fact.”

“Hey, we've managed to keep the lovebirds off her radar,” James said, indignantly, pointing at Shepard and Kaidan, and he was right, everyone had kept it from the nosy reporter so far, and Shepard preferred it that way. He might trust his friends and the crew, but for his superior officers to find out about them from a source like that... if it was made public, they might have to do something about it, which Shepard didn't think they'd bother to do now even if he told Hackett directly. 

He still had the Spectre card, of course, but he didn't want to screw up Kaidan's career. 

He almost missed Liara spinning the bottle but Kaidan sat up straighter when it ended up pointing up at him.

“What was the worst memory of your childhood?” Liara asked.

“I am glad you didn't ask Shepard that because my heart can't take any more revelations of how bad it was. My dad was MIA once and...” Kaidan paused, remembering the current situation, and seemed to curl in on himself. Shepard said screw it to being more decorous and pulled him closer until he was almost sitting on his lap. “Yeah, it was bad. Their ship was found after a few days but... I'd never seen mom so scared.”

His voice was hoarse when he finished, and he seemed to be fighting back tears.

“Excuse us,” Shepard said, pulling the other man up with him, and lead them out of the room and into the nearest empty room, which happened to be Life Support.

He pulled the unresisting man into a tight hug, holding him wordlessly through the tremors that ran through his body. He didn't know what to say. He'd never had anyone to look after him, or to be looked after by him, not like this, so he didn't even know the words to try.

“I'm sorry,” Kaidan whispered against his neck, and he shook his head and pressed a kiss on his brow in lieu of words. 

“Just... thinking about my mom... What it must be like on Earth. And I'm here, falling in love and laughing with my friends.”

“You're also doing all you can to help end this war,” Shepard reminded him.

“Yeah? It doesn't feel like it at the moment.”

“Everyone deserves – and needs – a break. Even you.”

“And you.”

“And me.”

Kaidan rested his forehead against Shepard's for a moment. “Thank you.”

“Any time.”

“Come on, let's go back before they decide we sneaked out for a quickie,” Kaidan said, forcing his tone into lightness again.

“They'd totally come looking for us.”

“It might almost be worth it to be caught, just to see their expressions.”

No one said anything when they returned, and Shepard figured someone – EDI, Sam or Liara – had shared the news with them. He had no doubt all three would know everything on any message from outside ship.

They sat down and Kaidan emptied his glass, then reached for the bottle without a word. It stopped at Tali.

“What superpower do you wish you had?” he asked when she chose a truth

“Hacking with my mind!” she said, instantly. “Ken Donnelly lent me this comic book, and there was this character who could interface with technology with his mind and it looked very useful.”

“I thought you already did that. That's how you make it seem, at least,” James said.

“I'm just very, very good,” Tali said, and Shepard could bet she was grinning under her mask.

Tali got Sam, who chose truth.

"What is the meanest punishment your parents ever gave you, and what was it for?"

“When ever they needed to punish me they just forbid me to play with Lilith. We were separated for a week after that little forest adventure. It was horrible. Week was forever for us! We almost ran away when we were finally allowed to meet again.”

Sam spun Liara.

”Have you ever been wrongly accused of something?”

“I fear I will never get over the reputation my mother's actions hung on me.”

“Oh, right, I've read about that.”

“The Matriarchs are keeping an eye on me,” Liara said, then met Shepard's eyes and grinned. She was getting on with her father very well these days, so the surveillance didn't really bother her that much, he knew. He winked at her.

And because the bottle had a deep and abiding love for him, it ended up pointing at him again. 

“If someone wrote a book about you what do you think they would call it?” Liara asked, and Shepard had to wonder if she had ulterior motives behind the question. She had admitted to being awful at naming books...

“Takeo Shepard: the Man Behind the Myth,” he replied. He could only hope.

“Shepard: How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Joker suggested, and that meant everyone had to come up with their own suggestions.

“Zen and Commander Shepard,” Sam said.

“From Streets to the Stars,” suggested James.

“Shepard and Vakarian – Saving the Galaxy with style,” Garrus said

“Commander Shepard: I Should Go – an Autobiography,” Kaidan threw in his suggestion with a grin.

“Charming His Way to Victory,” Tali said.

“Changing History,” Liara suggested, and, okay, for her that wasn't bad.

“The Secret Life of the First Human Spectre – expose by Diana Allers,” declared Steve, and everyone burst in laughter. 

“Okay, yeah, that's the most likely one.”

Shepard was still chuckling while he spun the bottle. He got Garrus again, and reached for Sam's pad. He was terrible at coming up with questions, and even his light-hearted one last time had ended up bringing up bad memories, so it was time to get help.

He laughed when he saw the next question on the list.

“Have you ever been in a brawl?” he asked.

Everyone laughed again. 

“Only for a living,” Garrus said, dryly, reaching for the pad and the bottle at the same time.

Joker chose a dare, daringly.

“Describe yourself in five words,” Garrus read from the datapad. 

“I, am, a, kick-ass, pilot,” Joker said, using his fingers to count it.

He got Kaidan, who also chose a dare, probably reassured by the easy one Joker had got.

“Teach Shepard to dance. The universe will thank you.”

“I thought we agreed on no dares that have to be performed later,” Kaidan said, grinning.

“Who said anything about later,” James countered, grinning as well. “There's plenty of room right there.”

“Maybe... but I fear it's going to be a long-term project.”

“He's got you there,” Joker said, and Shepard considered getting offended. Well, one couldn't be graceful everywhere, and as long as he could be smooth in combat and in bed, he'd live with being a laughing stock on the dance floor. 

Suddenly a memory hit him and he started laughing. 

“What?” Kaidan asked.

“Oh, nothing, it's just... one of the girls I used to squat with was a stripper. She suggested I'd try it too. So... in another universe...”

“I did not need that visual right now,” Kaidan said in a low voice Shepard hoped only he could hear.

“In another universe you and Vega could have been strippers on Omega,” Joker said.

“I did not need that visual, either,” Kaidan whispered, and Shepard laughed out loud. 

“I, what now?” James asked.

Kaidan obviously decided no one would notice he hadn't actually done anything for the dare, and spun the bottle again. He got Steve, who chose a truth.

“Do you have a secret talent we don't know about?”

Steve looked at his glass for a while, then seemed to brace himself.

“I can... sing,” Steve admitted.

“What? Esteban! You've never told me! Think about the karaoke bars we could have visited. There has to be one on the Citadel!”

“23,” provided EDI. 

“Really?” James asked, gleefully.

“Of the 375 official and unofficial drinking establishments on the Citadel, 23 offer at least occasional karaoke nights.”

“I know what I want for my birthday,” James said, grinning. 

“A serenade from Steve?” Sam suggested innocently.

“There's not enough alcohol in the world,” Steve said dryly when James was looking for a comeback. 

Steve spun Sam, who chose truth again. 

“What was the last dream you had about?”

“Oh dear. I was a part of a special ops team, tasked with rescuing some hostages from a lair of some big crime boss. Unfortunately, the team was also a performance art group and we had to manage the rescue and make it a piece of performance art at the same time. It was filmed. Somehow, it then followed I did the whole mission naked. Don't ask,” she said, pre-emptively, to James.

“Why don't I ever have dreams like that?” James asked.

“Where you have to rescue people naked?”

“No, where you have to rescue people naked,” he said, grinning lecherously. 

“Oookay, not going there!”

Sam spun Shepard. Good, he was starting to feel left out, now that there had been at least two targets in a row who weren't him. He would shoot that damn bottle when they were done.

“Truth,” he said, not trusting the glint in Sam's eye. 

“Have _you_ ever gone without wearing underwear all day?”

“Surprisingly, clean underwear is not a big issue at N1 training. After days of crawling through mud with little to no sleep, your choices are using the same, or going without. I preferred going without,” Shepard said dryly. “I am not keen to repeat the experiment.”

“Ouch,” said James, and he could see every guy wince in sympathy. 

Shepard spun Liara, and reached for the datapad automatically. 

“Say something about rabbits,” he read, then blinked at the screen. “What?”

“What?” repeated Liara.

“Are you sure that's a question?”

“It's there on the file.”

“Shouldn't it be a dare?” Tali asked.

“Should it be there in the first place?” Steve asked.

“What is a rabbit?” Liara asked.

“A fluffy Earth animal,” said Joker.

“Just read the next one,” Sam suggested.

“Does the idea of public sea turn you on?” he read, and blinked at the pad again. How much had he drunk? 

"What? No?"

"I think it's a typo for 'sex,'"Sam said

"The answer is still no."

Shepard gave up with the pad and nudged the bottle towards Liara. 

“I am curious about your questions now,” Liara said, reaching for the pad, too.

She spun Tali, who chose truth, obviously curious about the Extranet-provided questions as well.

“Have you ever reached for someone's Butt (and actually got there)?” Liara read.

“Have I what?”

“Reached for? That's a damn funny way of putting it,” James said.

“Most of those questions are written by tweens, I suppose,” Sam said, apologetically. “You take what you can get.”

“I don't know,” Tali said in reply. “Have I?” She looked at Garrus.

“...Maybe?” he said.

Tali grabbed the pad from Liara, and spun the bottle to get Steve. 

“Okay, I'll bite. Truth.”

“What's the 'naughtiest' thing you've ever done or thought about?”

“Well, for such a tween question, I think 'sex' would already be naughty enough,” Steve replied, grinning.

There were boos, as the company showed their displeasure at the evasion. “Okay, fine. A threesome, then.”

“...Done or thought?” James asked.

“I don't believe it was specified in the question, Lieutenant Vega, do you?” Steve asked, still grinning.

He made the bottle spin and took the pad as well. And, oh, what a surprise, he got Shepard. 

“Truth,” he said, not wanting to know what kind of dares people who suggested questions like that came up with.

“What is the worst thing you have ever done behind your boyfriend/girlfriend's back?” Steve read.

Shepard frowned, trying to think. He'd only ever had the one, and even him for very few weeks. Did things he'd done before they were a couple count? He thought Kaidan might mention the Cerberus thing... It's not like he'd done anything Kaidan didn't know about, after. Right?

“Took down a Reaper. On foot,” Kaidan said, dryly. “I dare you to find something worse.”

“Well, if _you_ can't think of anything else...” Shepard said, leaving the end of the sentence unsaid. Kaidan knew he was the only “boyfriend” he'd ever had, and if the others hadn't figured it out yet...

“Okay, yeah, that counts,” Steve said, offering him the pad with a grin. “I would have been furious if... yeah.”

Shepard spun Kaidan, and was glad to be provided with an excuse to use the pad. There were many questions he wanted to ask his lover, but very few of them in public.

He had to smother a laugh when he saw the question, though.

“When was the last time someone saw you naked?“

“This morning,” Kaidan said, smiling. Shepard smiled back.

“Moving on, fellas!” Sam said, pointing at the bottle. 

Kaidan stuck his tongue out at her, and spun the bottle. He got James, who pointed wordlessly at the pad. Kaidan laughed, and reached for it.

“What is the most trouble you have been in with the law?” he asked.

“I wasn't caught, so... no trouble.”

James seemed subdued when he reached for the bottle, but when it landed on Steve, he brightened up.

“Sooo, Esteban, truth or dare?”

Steve had to know he was going to end up singing if he chose a dare. He chose the truth.

“Do you have, or have you ever had a crush on anyone in this room?” James asked, gleefully.

Shepard thought Steve's look at James was hurt, even betrayed.

“I refuse to answer in the fear that doing so might make working together... uncomfortable.”

“Okay, default accepted, your punishment... Sing.”

Ah. He was going to end up singing one way or another. Did James really know something? He had obviously been so sure this would be the right leverage. But... if the crush was on James, then wouldn't him knowing about it negate the issue? Did he think Steve had a crush on someone e... on Shepard. Damn, there was that “mental undressing” thing, wasn't there? 

He really, really hoped that wasn't the case.

Steve looked resigned, then closed his eyes and started to sing.

He did know how to do it. His singing voice was deeper than his speaking voice, pleasant and smooth, and the song he chose something very, very old which Shepard had only ever heard in themed clubs and old vids. 

"I've got a crush on you, sweetie pie, all the day and night time, hear me sigh. I never had the least notion that I could fall with such emotion. Could you coo, could you care for a cunning cottage we could share. The world will pardon my mush, 'cause I've got a crush, my baby, on you.”

Sam joined him on the final repetition, and her voice wasn't bad either, even if not as trained as Steve's. 

“Could you coo, could you care, for a cunning cottage we could share. The world will pardon my mush 'cause I've got a crush, my baby, on you!"

Everyone applauded when they finished, James going as far as whistling his appreciation. 

"Does it really say 'cunning cottage'?" Tali asked. "What's a cunning cottage?"

“Cunning,” said EDI. “As adjective: 1. Marked by or given to artful subtlety and deceptiveness. 2. Executed with or exhibiting ingenuity. Or 3. Delicately pleasing; pretty or cute. As noun: 1. Skill in deception; guile. Or 2. Skill or adeptness in execution or performance; dexterity.”

"I like the first definition best," Garrus said. "I would definitely want to live in a cunning cottage."

Shepard smiled, resting his hand on Kaidan's back, thinking about the home the other man had promised to give him, and hoping it wasn't a cottage, cunning or otherwise. Then again, who was he kidding? He'd live in a cottage with this man, and be happy, even if their domicile was given to deceptiveness.

Shepard was ready to call it a night, the song a nice positive way to end, but when Steve reached for the bottle again, who was he to deny him the chance at payback.

Well, hopefully not on him. He chose truth, just in case.

“What would you ask Santa?” Steve said, reverting to the datapad.

“I want one of those ray guns Javik has!” Shepard said instantly

“The particle rifle?” James asked.

“Yeah, that.”

“Yeah, okay, I want one as well,” Kaidan admitted. 

“I've been meaning to ask him if I could take a look,” Steve said. “If maybe we could reverse engineer it?”

“I'll triple your pay,” Shepard offered.

“He gets paid?” James asked.

“I get paid?”

“Official Alliance crew, of course you're getting paid,” Shepard assured them.

“Why do you think we keep filing all those damn reports?” Kaidan asked.

“I am keeping track of everyone's pay, including hazard pay and Sunday extras,” EDI promised.

“Holy shit.”

“Are you authorised to triple my pay?”

“If you get me a particle rifle, you can have _my_ hazard pay,” Shepard promised.

“We'll get right to it,” Steve promised, looking at James, who nodded. 

“We might need you to ask Javik for it, though,” the latter said.

“Great!” Shepard said, grinning. Not the prospect of asking Javik to part with his weapon – he knew how he'd react if someone was eyeing his Black Widow, especially if she was the last of her kind in the world – but the prospect of getting one of those of his own. Even the possibility was thrilling.

“I shouldn't find your obsession with guns so cute, should I?” Kaidan whispered in his ear and his breath on his ear sent shivers down his spine. How rude would it be to just get up and drag the man into his cabin right now?

He sighed, no one else seemed to be in any hurry to finish, pouring more drinks and sitting back all relaxed. He reached for the bottle – the empty one – and spun James. He was done plotting about James and Steve, so he picked up the datapad again. 

And laughed. 

“Okay, fine, give me a truth, then,” James said.

“What do you usually sleep in?” he asked.

“That depends on whether I'm alone, on duty, or at home. In all circumstances, very little, but how little depends on the company,” the younger man replied with a wink.

“On board my ship?” Joker demanded, faking a scandalised voice.

“Hey, at least you don't share the sleeping space with him,” Steve said.

That made it sound a bit more suggestive than it was, both men preferring to bunk in the shuttle bay instead of the crew quarters.

“Are you complaining, Esteban?”

“Well, at least you don't snore. Much.”

“Hey!”

Shepard laughed, offering the pad to James who took it, poking at the bottle with his other hand, and managing a half turn, ending up with Shepard again.

“That's it. That thing is cursed, and after this round I am exorcising it with the aid of a pistol.”

“I suppose we should be getting some sleep soon,” Liara said, obviously remembering what the morning would bring.

“We have nine hours until destination,” EDI informed them, and that did rather dampen everyone's spirit.

“Yeah, okay, fine, but we have one more chance, so... Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Shepard said, thinking that at least that would be over sooner. Nine hours... plenty of time. They'd even have time to get some sleep, after.

James looked at the pad like it had started smelling bad. 

“What is your favourite thing to lick?” he asked, reluctantly.

Shepard smirked, and looked at Kaidan who gave him a smouldering look in return. 

“Okay, no need to elaborate, thanks,” James said. “Go, shoo, get out of here. Me and Steve need to see a Prothean about a gun.”

**Author's Note:**

> End notes: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/cunning


End file.
